Thoughts

I seldom go to hospitals. Aside from the girlfriend-giving-birth occasions, I never do. I hate the place.

But in one day, I have been in 2 hospitals and I had no choice.

First, for my mom’s eye operation. The procedure was simple enough. We actually waited for just an hour and a half for her treatment. But the experience, right there in the waiting room, is something I would not forget.

I was anxious, not for my Mom, as I know she will be fine. The Lord told me so. But for the others. I see patients getting wheeled in, sedated. While their family looks on, and couldn’t do anything as they are not allowed inside the OR. The whispered consultations with the doctors… The atmosphere that was so thick with worry… Eyes staring at the white wall… No, I don’t want to have to go through what they were going through right then.

I want to get out. But I was forced to sit there and wait, only prayers in my head.

Finally we’re done. After a few hours of making sure my Mom eats and takes her medicine, off we go again to another hospital.

This time it was doubly hard. My Mom did not know that my Aunt rushed Apo, her father last night. We couldn’t afford to tell her as it might affect her BP, and consequently her operation.

So we kept silent. Until the moment we had to tell her.

In Apo’s room, I couldn’t bear to look. It seems like a scene from a movie with tubes on his nose as he tries hard to breathe. But this time it is different. This is the face I love, the face that filled my childhood memories. And he is lying there helpless. And I could not do anything.

My eyes filled with unshed tears but I did not cry. I needed to be strong. I had to watch out for my Mom, check her BP, as well as the rest of my aunts there.

And this time, I don’t want to leave the hospital. I wished I could have stayed and watch for Apo. I wished I could have given more of my time for my Aunts who still had no sleep.

But we need to leave. I have to bring Mom home, make sure she does everything the doctor asked her to do.

I wish I could be in 2 places at the same time. But I could not…

Hospitals, I still hate the place. But I wish I am there right now.